Advice Before a First Date

How to Actually Enjoy a First Date (and Not Spiral in the Process)

First dates can be a mix of excitement, nerves, and overthinking. You want to feel confident, prepared, and actually enjoy yourself, rather than stress about every little detail. That’s where these tips come in.

This isn’t about playing games or trying to “win” someone over—it’s about showing up as your best, most authentic self so you can figure out if they are a good match for you. Whether it’s avoiding pre-date disasters (don’t show up drunk), setting yourself up for success (know where the bathroom is), or keeping the right mindset (you are the prize, not the applicant), these small moves will help you feel grounded and in control—no matter how the date goes.

1. Drinking: Do not show up wasted. I know it is so tempting to have a cocktail or two before a first date, but I have never showed up drunk to a date and been like, “Wow, super happy I did that”. Do some breath work or something to deal with nerves instead. When you show up drunk, you also lose the ability to tell if you’re actually having fun or if you are the fun.

2. Don’t use google: I don’t like to google or overly intagram stalk anyone because I think it takes away your ability to ask genuine questions. When you already know so much about a person it’s hard to ask authentic questions because you already know the answer. Of course you want to make sure they’re not a murderer but beyond that leave something to be talked about! I think those initial questions lead to so much fun discovery and intimacy its a shame to take it away.

3. Sex: if you have a problem with fucking people on your first date you have two options; you can either fuck someone before you go on the date (spicy) or you can use your vibrator so you don’t jump on them and potentially make a decision you’re going to regret. That being said fuck whoever you want whenever you want. I have noticed in the past that if I have sex with someone too early I can end up catching feelings for a person I don’t actually like, I just like the sex. As the saying goes: “good dick will imprison you”

4. Timing: Give yourself enough time to get ready! I hate going into a date with rushed frantic energy. I try to have some go to outfits ready, and easy makeup I know how to apply. I think showing up late to a date, especially a first date, implies you think your time is more valuable than theres and thats not how I want to make a first impression. Give yourself time.

5. Exit strategy: the goal is to not need an exit strategy, but I’m a “hope for the best and expect the worst” kinda girl. It’s nice to have a light excuse pre-planned: an early morning workout, you have to let the dog out, whatever. Also, to avoid the awkward “are we going to make out?” moment, I like to have my Uber pre-called and waiting before we get up so I can just kindly say bye and get in the car. Of course if you want to suck face and have them give you a ride home, also do that. 

6. Look up the menu: I like to look up the menu of the place I’m going so I know what I want when I get there. I always get decision paralysis and can get overwhelmed by a menu, so it really helps me to see the menu before I go. I usually go with a pre-decided dish and then it’s just one last thing to to think about so I can be present on the date. I also don’t usually order a salad on the first date because I find them way harder to eat than other things. I usually find something you can eat with a fork and knife because I find it easier to be able to maintain eye contact and focus on conversation, which I think is important. 

7. Look at a map of the restaurant: I also like to look at a map of the restaurant so that I know where the restroom is and dont have to get up awkwardly and wonder. That’s a personal OCD thing, but I just hate feeling lost at a restaurant. I like to give myself all the tools I can so that I can feel confident on a first date. I try to come as prepared as possible, knowing the venue is part of that.

8. Remember you are the prize: you aren’t trying to trick someone into liking you; you are trying to be your most authentic self so you can find somebody who loves you for your authentic self. I’ve done this a billion times whereI go on a date and think how can I make this guy like me, I become his complete dream girl and then I’m 6 months into dating them and I think “wait he’s dating this girl I made him fall in love with, that’s actually not me”. So, show up as your most authentic self, you are the prize and get the guy that loves you for who you are, everybody’s happy and remember to use your vibrator before you go out.

9. Learn something new: If you shift the “goal” of your date from finding your perfect person to learning something new about yourself, there really is never a bad date. Even if you find out that a certain personality trait really triggers you, hey, it’s new information! I think all insight into ourselves is good. This mindset takes away the pressure and reminds you that dates are supposed to be FUN!!